I have been excommunicated. No silly quips, no talkingaround it. I’m out.
You are reading the blog of a sinner. Bingley met his Jane and needed nothing more in this world than to be with her, so we live in sin until we can be married. I never claimed to be perfect. But it is important you know the nature of the person writing in this Victorian blog.
Jane and I will be married at the earliest possible date, but the various regions of Victorian England have 2-18 month waiting periods for fulfilling divorce requests. As such, I must wait until I may be legally and lawfully wed to my Jane.
I have children. They see what I am doing. I could not pretend I am without sin, or hide it. I also need to come clean before God so that I may marry Jane with clean hands, and to ultimately be a good example to my children (the lesson? When you sin, you have to own up to it – face the music). So I went with Jane’s hand in mine, and confessed to my Bishop. He explained I would need to be judged by a disciplinary council and would face disfellowship or excommunication. Within aweek, I was confessing to my Stake President. And then this past Sunday, I went before the Disciplinary Council of my Stake and spent over an hour being peppered with questions by the 15 Judges in Israel. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disciplinary_Council for a detailed description of the process. It's painful.
I love the Gospel. I love the Church. Excommunication is the only way I can accomplish a few things: 1) release from my covenants while I amsinning; 2) a "fresh start" with my Jane from every possible perspective (we will now start our Church lives together from the bottom up); and 3) taking the punishment reserved for my offense and working my way up from there. They can’t punish me again – and when it’s through, the records will be destroyed that I ever sinned because repentance and true forgiveness are real and they are complete. It is a beautiful thing.
One interesting point – when you are excommunicated, all blessings are put in a sort of hibernation until the First Presidency approves your return to the Church and your blessings. That includes the Holy Ghost.However, the Spirit will comfort and protect you in times of need, unless your life is pushing the Spirit away. I walked out of the Council after about 90 minutes, and it was an emotional blow for sure. But I did not feel lost, dejected, destroyed, betrayed, hurt, or any other negative emotion. I felt rather even-keel. I know I will be back in the Church at the first possible moment. I know my Savior loves me. And the only way to explain my ability to take this immense event in stride, is that the Spirit has been sent to comfort me in my absolute hour of need.
My Jane, as she will explain, has been extremely worried about me. She may have been more hurt by the event than I was. This is because my Jane loves me so. She holds my heart in her hands and she is very worried that some pain will metastasize and grow into a cancer that permanently keeps me from the Celestial Kingdom.
The thing is, my testimony is stronger than ever. Each day, I pray frequently with my Jane. I pray secretly for my Jane. My Jane and I read the scriptures every day, while holding each other. We believe in the word of God, the word of His holy prophets, and we look forward to taking the steps to enjoy Eternity together. She is my True North – she always points me in the right direction. She has singlehandedly turned me toward God in the most meaningful way possible.
I love my Jane, and we will continue holding and guiding each other for Eternity. I’ll see YOU at the Temple.
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