irreverence and flat-out disrespect that comes along with divulging someone
else’s patriarchal blessing. Since the blessing in question involves me, I feel
as if this itty-bitty exception will be judged on a curve. I will try my best to
handle it tactfully. I won’t go into detail -- Girl Scouts’ honor.
My ex-husband received his patriarchal blessing when he was on another one of his
holier-than-thou spiritual lies. The spiritual high would always fizzle a couple
of months later due in large part to the Corona (with lime) and packs of
Marlboro 100’s in a box he claimed to be helpless against. Those harmful vices
always led to his repetitive regression.
holier-than-thou spiritual lies. The spiritual high would always fizzle a couple
of months later due in large part to the Corona (with lime) and packs of
Marlboro 100’s in a box he claimed to be helpless against. Those harmful vices
always led to his repetitive regression.
We were unknowingly late getting to the patriarch’s house; he claimed to be
understanding about our tardiness but I could tell in his voice he felt put out.
I felt bad that we took time away from his day and can remember being upset with
my ex-husband because it was his direction we were following, I never questioned
if he had the right time. When we passed through the large wooden double doors
of the patriarch’s modest home, I could instantly feel the strength of the
Spirit. The room was simply decorated with very few pieces of furniture. The
fragrant, white, freshly-vacuumed carpet had perfectly-aligned vertical stripes
left behind by the green 1960’s Hoover vacuum that was placed neatly in the
corner.
understanding about our tardiness but I could tell in his voice he felt put out.
I felt bad that we took time away from his day and can remember being upset with
my ex-husband because it was his direction we were following, I never questioned
if he had the right time. When we passed through the large wooden double doors
of the patriarch’s modest home, I could instantly feel the strength of the
Spirit. The room was simply decorated with very few pieces of furniture. The
fragrant, white, freshly-vacuumed carpet had perfectly-aligned vertical stripes
left behind by the green 1960’s Hoover vacuum that was placed neatly in the
corner.
I can remember folding my arms at my chest and bowing my head in reverence. The blessing
started and I felt this calmness wrap around me. During the blessing, I was full
of peace and strained to retain all of the information I could. Most of it
flooded out of me as quickly as it flooded in. Early in the blessing it stated
that my ex-husband would be alone and that he had very hard struggles ahead of
him if he chose not to follow Gods path. This instantly forced my eyes open to
see if anyone else was bothered by this news, I was surprised that I still felt
comforted it was early in the blessing that followed a chronological lifetime of
foretelling if he followed God’s commandments. I remember thinking the whole
time that I was going to die. If he was going to be alone early in his
blessing, then I was going to die early in my life. I wasn’t upset or scared
at all – I felt peace and comfort, through and through.
started and I felt this calmness wrap around me. During the blessing, I was full
of peace and strained to retain all of the information I could. Most of it
flooded out of me as quickly as it flooded in. Early in the blessing it stated
that my ex-husband would be alone and that he had very hard struggles ahead of
him if he chose not to follow Gods path. This instantly forced my eyes open to
see if anyone else was bothered by this news, I was surprised that I still felt
comforted it was early in the blessing that followed a chronological lifetime of
foretelling if he followed God’s commandments. I remember thinking the whole
time that I was going to die. If he was going to be alone early in his
blessing, then I was going to die early in my life. I wasn’t upset or scared
at all – I felt peace and comfort, through and through.
Looking back now, I understand that the “ALONE” stated in the blessing was referring to me
leaving him. At that time in my life I couldn’t even list divorce as a possible
possibility; my death was the only plausible explanation. I talked to my mom
about this after the blessing and she agreed that her first thought was that I
was going to die and my ex-husband would be alone as a result.
leaving him. At that time in my life I couldn’t even list divorce as a possible
possibility; my death was the only plausible explanation. I talked to my mom
about this after the blessing and she agreed that her first thought was that I
was going to die and my ex-husband would be alone as a result.
God is incredible just in his dealings with us. My ex-husband bluffed his intentions
and God all-knowingly called him on it. I was blessed with the strength, peace
and clarity that I needed to follow through on a decision I should have made a
long time ago. I was blessed for my choices and my ex-husband was punished for
his. Hopefully this life lesson will help my ex grow as a person and gain a true
testimony concerning the power and individual justice God delivers to everyone.
I am grateful everyday for my Heavenly Father and the love I feel He has for me.
I am grateful for the comfort of the Holy Ghost and the direction I still
questionably follow even though He has never let me down.
and God all-knowingly called him on it. I was blessed with the strength, peace
and clarity that I needed to follow through on a decision I should have made a
long time ago. I was blessed for my choices and my ex-husband was punished for
his. Hopefully this life lesson will help my ex grow as a person and gain a true
testimony concerning the power and individual justice God delivers to everyone.
I am grateful everyday for my Heavenly Father and the love I feel He has for me.
I am grateful for the comfort of the Holy Ghost and the direction I still
questionably follow even though He has never let me down.
I will never understand how beer and cigarettes could ever be the deciding factor in keeping
you out of the presence of God and His guidance. I don’t really feel pity for my
ex about his choices; he was always hell-bent on going against God to spite me.
He never had a testimony. He loved breaking my heart and watching me gather the
strength to get over it. He toyed with my emotions to shut me up so he could
have the best of both worlds. I was trusting, and my ex used this fact to his
advantage. In a way, it was his ignorant way of proving his superiority over me.
I used facts and knowledge – he used defiance and dominant control. The methods
my ex used on me to keep me dumbly trusting in his lies are the same methods he
uses on God. What an idiot…
you out of the presence of God and His guidance. I don’t really feel pity for my
ex about his choices; he was always hell-bent on going against God to spite me.
He never had a testimony. He loved breaking my heart and watching me gather the
strength to get over it. He toyed with my emotions to shut me up so he could
have the best of both worlds. I was trusting, and my ex used this fact to his
advantage. In a way, it was his ignorant way of proving his superiority over me.
I used facts and knowledge – he used defiance and dominant control. The methods
my ex used on me to keep me dumbly trusting in his lies are the same methods he
uses on God. What an idiot…
~Jane
Just my humble opinion....I dont think beer and cigarettes keep you from God's prescence. Your ex's heart/mind is what keeps him from God not the Word of Wisdom issues. There are a lot of wonderful, spiritual people who smoke and/or drink. If this substance abuse caused a loss of God's presence then there would be a lot of people who overeat and are obese that wouldnt be close to God if this line of thinking were true. It's a major issue with the members of the church. There is much hypocrisy surrounding the WoW. I understand that obedience is a key factor here in terms of the way our church operates but generally speaking, having the spirit of God with you is more about your inner testimony and your decision to keep Him in your life....whether or not you drink and/or smoke. Anyway, good luck with everything. Glad you are both Happy :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your attempt at delivering a humble critique. I sense that you have taken direct insult to the message of my blog for this I am very sorry. In no way was it a direct slam against members of the church who don’t keep the Word of Wisdom. The point was the fact that I was trusting enough to truly believe that my ex-husband had every intention of keeping the promises he made to God and myself. In truth he never intended to follow through on his promises because he lied to me about having a testimony. When we got married he promised to take me to the temple you can’t keep that promise if you aren’t keeping the Word of Wisdom it’s just a fact. He knew deep down that if he manned up and just told me the truth that he never had even an inkling of a testimony in the gospel it would crush my soul and shake my world like it has now. The drinking and smoking thing I humbly feel leads to trouble and sticky situations, these mind altering substances are used as coping mechanisms that are highly addictive they bluer the truth and the ability to deal with life’s issues in healthy ways. It also speaks volumes about the strength of my ex’s testimony. If he in fact had a strong testimony in the church the Word of Wisdom wouldn’t have been an issue. It’s human nature to search out ways to justify the wrong choices we all make. The blog was an isolated statement about my ex-husband not a worldwide proclamation on how evil smoking and drinking is. I have yet to master clearly getting my point across usually I am so heated with anger my writing runs into ranting. I will do better next time. I'm so not in a position to pass judgment on anybody. Thanks again
ReplyDeleteI was really just sticking up for anyone that partakes of the evil substances...not just members of the church. "many spiritual people" referred to any christian, mormon or not, who drink or smoke. And, I was not directly insulted....I am 40 years old and have been around long enough to develop a thicker skin than that. I am comfortable in that skin btw no matter what my status is in the church... Being from Utah though, I have developed a bit of an intolerance for tunnel vision and judgmental Mormons. Not saying that you are that way, just that it felt that way when reading your post. I understand your situation a lot more than you know actually...my estranged husband sounds like he might be your ex's twin (possibly worse). I guess the point is that no matter where we are in life we are sinners, otherwise we wouldnt need the Gospel at all would we? So, if we are drinking, smoking, having premarital sex, etc but still going to church and believing with all our hearts that it is true...where does that leave us? Damned? I dont think so. The most important thing is to cling to our testimonies even in the midst of "sinning".... and then let God deal with the ones who actually deserve punishment for denying Him.
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