True Colors

Human nature is fascinating to me. I am still, and will always be,
amazed at the fact that you never really know people. You can gather
your opinions only by what a person shows you. We are complex
creatures with a plethora of emotions and concealed intentions that we
can twist and manipulate to our advantage. When the doors close, it’s
anyone’s guess. I have concluded that we are all capable of Heavenly
good – and devilishly bad – actions. It’s our lifelong responsibility
to choose the right no matter how hard it is to face. We allow the
jealousy, pride, and selfishness we all instinctively have in us to
overshadow our reason.

I have used and seen this rather effective plan of action work
wonders. When I was about 10, I learned that I could take almost any
situation I found myself and direct it to the conclusion I desired
through the power of manipulation. Learning that this bottom-feeding
form of self-gratification was just another way for Satan to prey on
my soul got me analyzing the ways I dealt with things, thus starting
the lifelong struggle for manipulative freedom. I will always struggle
with this… I’m human. I know it’s a fault we all possess. Being able
to identify this flaw is helpful in our quest to be better, and it
also allows us to observe and recognize this behavior in others,
thereby exposing their motives so we can deal with them rationally.

Not everyone realizes that their actions speak volumes about the kind
of person they are. I am going through a divorce from a man who has
the world fooled – he is all sweetness and light when the door is
open, but when it’s slammed shut the volume of his actions speak so
loudly it’s deafening. I will forever be surprised by how a
significant other treats the other when the relationship ends. What
does it get him to treat me with malicious hate as he conducts
countless attempts to sabotaging any plans I have made to stabilize my
future? Ending a marriage is hard whatever the circumstances are –
it’s all about the way you handle yourself. Don’t lash out at the
person you say you loved; show your relationship some respect and do
what is best for everyone involved.

The way my ex-husband behaved when I left him allowed me to face the
consistent facts of my marriage and purge all of the suppressed abuse
I had been holding onto along with the hopes that he would change. I
have to say, it was rather freeing to allow myself to feel in my bones
that this man that I loved for years is never going to be any better
of a man than he is at this moment. He will follow the pattern that
has worked for him from the time he was a child. He will lie and
manipulate to get what he wants, and if that doesn’t work his actions
will catch up to the deep growl of his hateful yell. It’s funny in a
way, that his manipulative nature has no control over me anymore. I
have reached a rather symbolic form of manipulative freedom. Obviously
he didn’t learn the lessons we all did as kids…

~ Jane